Dirty cat habits

Drinking from the toilet:

I wouldn't mind so much if her preference wasn't so strongly towards a toilet I had just used.  She trots in every time I visit and waits on the end of the bath.  Kinda handy because she can inveigle a tickle from there.  Also, when she slips and gets wet feet, my abdomen is her favourite choice of towel.  Call me fussy but I prefer not.

The nooget herself - Toast

Early morning habits:
It is bad enough that Monster1 wakes up with the sparrows and likes to wake Monster2 to let the play commence.  Being a young cat, Toast wakes at 4am with a combo of "play with meeeeeeeeeeeeee" and "is it breccy time yet?"  She prefers to voice these questions by walking up your slumbering form, standing on your shoulder and purring in your ear.  Alternately, if access is available, she creeps up and presses her nose to yours.  There are a series of slams around the house as, one by one, she gets evicted by angry purr victims.  Eventually someone gets annoyed enough to shut her in the lounge.

Out-strategising the children:
I will say this again, people, if the cat is standing on you and purring, do not sit up.  She just nips around behind you and steals your warm spot.  We are no longer rescuing pathetic children who are being out-played by a kitten.  Service is discontinued.  Deal with it.

Playing inappropriately:
Monster1 has long hair - it dangles over the chair at dinner.
Monster2 has a fairy dress with long wispy bits.
My dear husband has a hard-core addiction to cords.  He likes nothing more than to connect two unlikely electronic devices.  The result is a tangled maw of cords behind the desk.
When I have ironed new curtains, I have to drag them to where I am hanging them or they get creased.
None of these things are invitations to play, Toast.  (Though I can see how you might mistake the cord jungle for a climbing frame.)

Otherwise, the nice way you sleep around the house, general purring, coping with rampaging monsters, etc - all good work.