Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I prefer my nuts deactivated and my water tappy, thanks

I have to say my general attitude to celebrity diets is, "meh!"  Mind you, the idea of eating activated almonds, alkalised water and organic spirulina is just a bit, oh, silly, really.

I can see that some people are very keen to turn their bodies from mere processing and waste disposal facilities to high-end, ultra-efficient nutrient uptake devices.  And possibly you get a reward for that.  Maybe your eyes pop open every morning with a faint pinging noise, only to leap up and do an hour of yoga, including those eye-poppingly tricky positions  with 20 minutes meditation at the end, before settling in for your organic spirulina with a slightly alkalised water with a cheery grin, a tidy waistline and a clear and alert mind.

Personally I prefer to turn off the radio when the sports starts after the main news, stumble down the corridor, spend quite a while in the first wee because the cat sits on the end of the bath for a morning tickle, then I like to stomp into the kitchen to greet the monsters and start the coffee and toast processes.  Not glamorous but I like it.  It makes the cat happy too.

You have to laugh, though ... alkalised water.  The human body is bloody keen on keeping itself at its preferred pH.  It is called human homeostasis or body pH.  Bad things happen if your pH level gets out of whack so there are a raft of mechanisms to make sure this doesn't happen from anything you pour down your throat, aside from other causes.

\rm H_2O+CO_2 \leftrightarrow H_2CO_3 \leftrightarrow H^++HCO_3^-
Scary chemistry bit

This system can be overwhelmed by say, a pint of drain cleaner, but I am pretty confident it can laugh off alkalised water.  I mean, sure, alkalised water is apparently a cure to:
  • High blood pressure
  • Morning sickness
  • Diabetes
  • Osteoporosis
  • Poor blood circulation
  • Hyper-acidity
  • Constipation
  • Diarrhea
  • Common colds
  • Water retention
  • Muscle aches
  • Hangovers
  • Urea Stones
  • Body odour
  • Slow wound healing
  • Obesity
  • Chronic fatigue
  • Migraine
  • Gout & arthritis, and
  • Gastric problems 
But then so were the patent medicines of the late Victorian era, assuming you didn't OD on the morphine in them. And frankly, people, when you see a list like that, shouldn't your bullshit filter be red-lining and making a whoop-whoop noise?

I am all for water - drink heaps of it.  From a tap.  In a glass.  Not a cure for urea stones and body odour (as far as I know), but fine, I am sure.  I am just glad to live in a place where the tap water does not make you ill.

Mind you, if you want your water to come in packaging on a long truck trip so your body can change its pH in a zillisecond, go right ahead.  I hope it is expensive.

Lets just leave the activation level of my nuts for another day.