Saturday, February 9, 2013

Pregnant with hickeys - an inadvisable office combination

When I was pregnant with one of the monsters I worked in a open plan office.  I worked part time because I had a toddler with a limited tolerance for child care.  I also liked to take a large amount of sick leave to deal with snot and earaches (the child) and extended bouts of vomitatiousness (both of us).

Nevertheless, I did attend work occasionally.  I shared a super-pod with 3 other people: a woman in her early thirties with two children; a young woman and a young man, the latter two both single and around 23.  You probably can see where this is going but read the title and think again.

I had an enormous amount of experience at the job at hand.  The elder of the woman had different experience and the two youngies were just young.  Part of my role was to help all three to learn how to do this sort of job before I disappeared back into the world of nappies and sludged carrot for the duration.

I was a number of years older than the other three, and possibly because of personality differences and my very solid presence, just seemed more mature.

One morning we were all sitting there facing each other talking about some work doobie with another very young woman from a related work area.  The woman opposite me, the one with the children, said, "Have you got a hickey?  You have something all over your neck."

Now I am sure she did not really think I had a hickey.  I think what she meant was, "You have a somewhat awkward coffee stain or mark on your neck and I am going to embarrass you because it looks a bit hickyish."

After all, I was a very sensible woman.  I was 7 months pregnant and certainly did not look like the sort of person you would bite.  But frankly, one of the few advantages I found with pregnancy (other than the eventual acquisition of a mewling infant) was that it made nookie an easy, hilarious, sure thing.  My husband, being a very sensible man, was taking full advantage of this state of affairs and had got a bit carried away in the neckular region.

If I wasn't so bloody exhausted I may have remembered to hide it.  Or maybe not.  Who can be bothered with that sort of rubbish when you are trying to get a toddler to childcare before racing to work in time for your regular morning spew?

So I said, "Oh, yes." and left it at that.  The other four almost combusted with embarrassment.  I mean, elderly, heavily pregnant and showing signs of being the subject of unbridled lust.  How weird and disgusting is that?

I still laugh about it, even though the other person there at the time is now a giant among 5 year-olds.

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